


Miss The Bullets

by bvngeegvm



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jisung-centric, Loss of Parent(s), Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Blood, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Not Beta Read, Prison, Robbery, Street Racing, Suicidal Ideation, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bvngeegvm/pseuds/bvngeegvm
Summary: For as long as Jisung can remember cars have been a part of his life.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Park Jisung
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Miss The Bullets

**Author's Note:**

> this might be ooc but i needed to get this out of my system so here take it!!

For as long as Jisung can remember cars have been a part of his life. Even as a kid the only type of toy he would play with would be some type of race car. His mom's car was a beat up 1973 Camaro with chipped, faded paint which she loved almost as much as she loved Jisung .

He was born in the back of that car, stuck in LA traffic. He later finds out he was made in that car, despite his screams that he didn’t ever need to know such a thing. 

When his mom dies, she leaves him the car. Jisung spends his first night without her in the world curled in the backseat, cold and shivering and sobbing until he passes out, exhausted. He wakes up in the car and spends his first few moments trying to remember why, wondering where his mom was before he remembered he would never get to hold her hand again. 

After that, he takes his obsession to a whole new level by stealing his first car at fifteen years old. He has nothing to lose and no one to disappoint with his dad’s new marriage to whiskey occupying all his time. His first victim rests in the parking lot of the grocery store with its keys in the driver's seat abandoned but some careless idiot not expecting Jisung to stumble upon it. The car is an ice blue 1979 Thunderbird. A goddamn wet dream. He doesn't have a license, only a permit but seeing a car this nice is not something he can pass up.

It's entirely too easy. 

Adrenaline pumps through his veins as he picks the lock of the car. Whoever owns this car deserves to have it stolen, he tells himself. If they cared about the car they wouldn’t be so careless. 

He caresses the creamy white leather of the passenger seat. To someone passing by he probably looks insane. His eyes are bloodshot from crying and sleep deprivation, hair a disheveled tangled mess. He probably looks like he shouldn't be inside a car as nice as this one. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel idly, trying to decide whether or not to go through with this. It's a terrible idea, one that will inevitably fuck up his life but his life is already fucked up with his mom dead and his dad drinking himself into an early grave.

That one thought is what makes him turn the key in the ignition. The purr of the engine makes him crack the first smile he has in months.

"Hey!" Jisung hears and turns to see a man, probably the owner of the car dropping his grocery bags he was carrying to run towards the car. Jisung’s body freezes up and he can't make himself move until the man is only a few steps away from the car. Jisung peels out of the parking spot nearly running over the man's foot. He makes a small noise of excitement as the car shoots out of the parking lot and into the busy street. Cars honk at him but Jisung can't hear anything over the sound of his heartbeat rushing in his ears.

What he isn't expecting is the sound of police sirens behind him. He debates whether or not he should keep on driving and decides that it's more trouble than it's worth and pulls over, albeit reluctantly. His heart is still beating fast in his chest but now from fear of being caught rather than adrenaline.

The cop taps on the window lightly and Jisung rolls it down with slight hesitation. "Do you know how fast you were— whoa kid, what are you like twelve?"

Jisung has to restrain himself not to roll his eyes. "Fifteen," he says brusquely.

"You got a license?" The officer questions.

"Nope," he replies, popping the 'P'.

The cop peers more closely into the car. "This vehicle even yours?"

He shakes his head. "Uh-uh," he says casually.

"Alright kid, please step out of the vehicle with your hands above your head. You're under arrest for grand theft auto, speeding, as well as driving without a license," the officer says disinterestedly.

Jisung steps out of the car, hands in the air. He doesn't feel anything as the handcuffs close around his wrist and his Miranda Rights are read to him. Everything is so loud yet so quiet like he's hearing everything underwater. The officer unceremoniously pushes him into the back seat of the cruiser and before he knows it they're at the station. "Have anyone you want to call?" The cop asks, pointing at the phone on his desk.

Jisung thinks of his mother's grave and his father sitting on the couch with a bottle of whiskey and shakes his head. He slumps in his seat when the officer looks at him with a gaze full of pity.

His dad comes to the station a few hours later drunk off his ass but hiding it well. He speaks quietly with the officer, running his fingers through unwashed hair repeatedly.

This one misdemeanor sets a path for him. They send him to Juvenile detention for a few months hoping that it'll make him straighten up his act. It doesn't work.

He's arrested four more times and sent to juvie twice as much in the span of two years for grand theft auto, each robbery better than the last.

His dad had asked him once why he did this and instead of saying 'it's a cry for help that you refuse to hear' like he wanted to, he had said snidely, "It gets me off," before stomping off to his room and slamming the door.

At first it was his way of mourning his mom and an attempt to get his dad to pay attention to him more than he was paying attention to his bottle of whiskey.

But it's not about that anymore. Now it's about the feeling he has every time he hot wires a car. The excitement he feels when he ruins someone else's day to make his better. It's the adrenaline rush he gets when the police are chasing him down the highway. It's about the smooth leather under his fingertips, the purr of the engine that he can feel settle in his bones.

It’s about being in control of something for once in his damn life since his mom died.

What he hates most about his mother's birthday is that it's so close to his, only four days away. It isn't right that he continues to age while she's six feet under. The fact that it's her birthday is the only thing that he can use to justify why he carjacks someone for the first time at seventeen.

He's walking down the dark street on the nice side of town, looking for a deserted parking lot that may have an even nicer car for him to steal when he sees it. A sleek black 1969 Ford Fastback Mustang. God he loves living in a high class area. You would never see cars like this anywhere else in LA but beauties like this are an everyday occurrence for him. 

He doesn't know what impulses him to do it but he has to have this car. So he pulls the hood of his jacket up, makes his fingers into the shape of a gun and yanks the driver side door of the vehicle open. They're in the middle of traffic and there's a possibility he can be hit by a car but he doesn't care. 

He needs to feel anything because just stealing cars doesn’t cut it anymore. 

He grabs the startled looking guy by the collar with his left hand. "Look, I don't want to hurt you, I just want the car so get out," Jisung demands, making his voice deeper as a precaution.

The guy just sits there frozen. "Get out!" he yells and yanks on his t-shirt more forcefully. He stumbles out of the car and runs away.

Jisung slips inside the car just in time for the red light to turn green. The seat is warm from the previous owner's body heat. He feels a new type of adrenaline from this. Every other car he'd stolen had been empty of a body

He swerves two lanes over, almost causing a few accidents and accelerates thirty miles over the thirty-five miles per hour speed limit. He drives for so long he actually thinks he isn't going to get caught. This is the most free he's felt in a long time.

He's wrong of course. It's officer Suh. Again. Jisung rolls down the window before he makes it to the car. "Officer Suh, hey, so how are things? Wife-"

"Shut up, Jisung," and Jisung does with an audible noise. "Two weeks, Jisung. You've been out of juvie for two weeks.”

"Thought I'd get arrested early this time," Jisung snarks back.

Officer Suh sighs exasperatedly. "Step out of the car, you have the right to remain silent—" Suh drones on but Jisung tunes him out. He can practically recite his Miranda Rights at this point.

When they get to the station Jisung's father is already there, brown eyes dark with anger. "Hey, dad," Jisung says maliciously, waving his cuffed hands at him.

Suh leads him to an interrogation room, which is also a new turn of events. "Why am I going back here?" Suh ignores him and leads him into the room, cuffing him to a table once they’re inside then walking out silently.

He feels fear begin to creep along his spine.

He sits there, a million thoughts running through his head for what feels like eternity but is probably only a few minutes before someone finally comes into the room.

It's a man Jisung has never seen before which is a surprise in of itself because he was sure he knew every cop in this place. The guy is also wearing a suit, and yeah this turn of events is looking more and more bleak for Jisung. He got too greedy and too reckless and this punishment just might be too much. 

His hands twitch nervously on the table as the man approaches closer. "Detective Kang," he introduces himself taking a seat across from Jisung and he restrains himself from banging his head against the table repeatedly because that probably won't help his situation at the moment.

He drops a folder in front of Jisung . "At 10:47 P.M. there was a reported carjacking of a black 1969 Ford Fastback Mustang. The thief was said to have brown eyes, blonde hair and be wearing a black hoodie. The victim also said the criminal had a gun," Jisung twitches in his seat but says nothing.

"Are you in possession of a gun?" Jisung shakes his head while staring at the table. "What are you mute? Use your words and look directly at me when I address you," Kang growls.

Jisung licks his lips nervously before he says, "No, I am not in possession of a gun but I did steal the car," he looks the detective right in the eyes when he speaks this time.

"You do realize we can't send back a Juvenile facility right?"

"Why not?" Jisung demands.

"Because carjacking is a felony and Juvie obviously does nothing. It's a shame too. Do you know what men do to kids with a face like yours in prison?"

Jisung curls his lip in a condescending manner, "I bet I can take a guess.” 

Later that night in the holding cell the only thing Jisung can think about is how disappointed his mother would be. 

The court case drags on and on and Jisung knows they’re just trying to wait until he turns eighteen so they can legally send him to prison. 

He’s sentenced on his birthday, eight months of jail time. 

Of course, he manages to knock it down to six with good behavior. He doesn’t fight with the guards and he doesn’t stick his fingers in any pies despite how bad he wants to. He makes it out with his head down and his nose as clean as it could be. 

Still, Jisung just can’t seem to stop himself from getting arrested. He needs the rush and the cars and now he knows he can make money from stealing the right one for the right price. 

Jail is less of a threat and more of a minor inconvenience. 

If he wasn't in prison then he was in the suffocating place that used to be home.

If he wasn't in that house then he was stealing cars.

It's a shit life but it's better than the one he would have if he let his grief consume him.

+++

He's eighteen when he finds out about racing purely on accident.

He's cruising around in a freshly painted navy blue Chevrolet Camaro F-bomb that he recently stole (after his dad kicked him out, for good this time) looking for a dark alleyway to just park the car and go to sleep when he hears the music. He follows the sound because he has nothing else better to do and pulls up to what he believes is car-theft-delinquent heaven (the only heaven he believes in really).

There are cars even he's never seen before gathered around to close off anyone not invited. There are muscle cars that make his mouth water with the want— no need to steal. There are girls strolling around half naked and guys in wife beaters watching them as they walk past.

Jisung drives forward a little more and cuts the engine. He isn't close enough to be seen but close enough to see the rest of gathering. They are people dancing and talking and he can feel the base of music inside the car.

It's amazing he thinks and when he sees two guys take off in their vehicles at speeds that are most definitely illegal he knows that this is where he belongs. That this place feels more like home than living with his dad had in years.

He needs to find a way in. 

+++

He's twenty and one of the best street racers there is when he meets Lee Donghyuck. 

He's trying to steal his car of course and while Jisung usually has a car kink for the classics he can appreciate the curvy body build and sleek red paint of the newest Ferrari. The NOS built in is just a sweet bonus. It’s not often he can steal from a fellow racer. "The fuck are you doing?" Someone yells at him. Jisung turns to see they're still a few feet away and picks up the leisurely pace he had going while jimmying the lock.

He hops in the car and sees a push-to-start button (which Jisung thinks is both one of the best and worst inventions ever) in place of an ignition. He presses it with a giddy feeling in his stomach when the guy is close enough and then speeds off, nearly running over the guys feet.

He thinks better of it though, deciding to have a little more fun he reverses the car and does about eight donuts in the guy's face. He seems to be on the phone now, yelling at whoever on the phone in a different language that Jisung can't pick out. He speeds off, middle finger out the window while he preens at having another successful steal.

A few miles out he slows down to a slow peaceful speed so he isn't expecting the Camaro to pull out of the alleyway, forcing him to stop or else he would crash.

Four people step out of the car simultaneously, looking pissed. Jisung knows how to pick and choose his fights and this is not one he wants so he looks behind him as he shifts in gears in reverse only to see another Camaro behind him only the driver is still in the vehicle. "Fuck," he whisper, banging his head on the steering wheel.

"Step out asshole," The shorter of the two men says. They're all standing in front of the car but Jisung debates running them over anyway. Then he remembers that while he may be a criminal, hit and runs are not a part of the deal.

He obviously takes too long thinking about killing these four people because two guys approach the car, grab him by the t-shirt and throw him to the ground. Jisung really should have thought about locking the doors when they stopped him in the first place.

Jisung groans as his back hits the concrete painfully. "Who the fuck are you?" The shortest guy demands and Jisung recognizes his voice as the one that asked him what he was doing when he stole the car. Jisung notes that he's attractive in a weird sort of way under the dim street lights. All tan skin and sharp jaw yet soft features. He looks vaguely familiar. They all do now that Jisung thinks about, but he doesn't think he's seen them at any street races he's been to.

Jisung doesn't mean to laugh, he doesn't, it just slips out of him. It's been a long time since someone asked him who he was. Especially fellow street racers, which these people obviously are. "Sorry, sorry," he says when they all twitch like they want to hit him. "It's been a while since racers such as yourself have asked me who I am,"

One of them, all strong jaw and broad shoulders, pokes him in the face. "Well, it's definitely not because you're hot," he says snidely. It is when he looks into his space that Jisung puts his finger on who they are.

The Lees.

Rumored to all be involved with every organized crime syndicate they can get their hands in. Known for a fact to be involved with the recent trafficking of guns and the heroin flooding the seedy underbelly of Los Angelos. The cops haven't caught up to them but no one knows what the Lees look like unless you know them for being legends when it comes to street racing. They have so much dirty money Jisung can practically see it dripping off them. 

"I take offense to that," He says, sitting upright gingerly. He raises his hands up when they all make a move like they're going to kick him in the solar plexus to keep him down.

"I hope you know you're giving me my car back," the short guy says and damn, Jisung really needs to learn his name. 

"Nope, I didn't plan on it actually," Jisung says. He knows if these people are involved with the mafia he probably shouldn't sass them but it's in his nature so he sure as hell isn't going to stop for them.

The man yanks Jisung upwards, trying to loom over Jisung. It doesn't work of course. Jisung is taller than most and this man is no exception. He isn’t the shortest person Jisung has met but there is a significant difference that has Jisung looking down at him. “What." he says flatly, looking even more pissed off at the inch of height difference between them.

"You seem to be confused so let me explain something to you. You see what I do is steal cars and I never return them. The only way I get rid of them is if I wreck them, sell them, get arrested or at the very least, lose a race which doesn't happen often. So, no I hadn't planned on returning your car, but I had planned on racing it. How about you race me for it?" Jisung finishes smugly, smirk on his face.

The man crosses his arms over his chest and smiles tightly like it's taking everything in his power not to punch Jisung in the face. "Sure, I'll race you for it,"

Jisung smirks. "Bet I'll win."

The man tosses Jisung against the Ferrari walking off and Jisung carefully gets back inside the car ignoring the rest of the frightening gazes of the Lees. 

It's exhilarating. That's the only way Jisung can describe racing Donghyuck. Street racing has always felt that way for him but when you're the best it's a little hard to still be entertained when at the end of it all everyone is cheering his name. 

This though? This is what Jisung has been craving. Someone who is a match with him on every level maybe even better if Jisung 's pride would ever allow him to admit it. It's been a while since Jisung has had to try to hard to win, making the stupid mistakes he used to when he was new to racing but Donghyuck brings that naivety out of him. 

Its so stupid of him to upshift early, a bad habit he never really grew out of and one he still uses when he's against a particularly difficult opponent. Its so stupid of him to turn his NOS on sooner than he should. The floor of the car rattles dangerously as he pushes 140mph but he's almost there, he can practically taste the victory and it hasn't ever tasted so _good_. But Donghyuck washes the taste right out of his mouth as he puts on an extra burst of speed at the last second, doing three donuts before coming to a hard stop. Jisung 's speed slowly trickles to a complete stop as he licks his lips not feeling disappointment but something else, something that makes his jeans a little tighter than they should be. 

His hands fall away from the steering wheel, one gripping his thigh painfully tight and the other running through his hair. He shakes his head at himself because this hasn't happened since he was a teenager and if it shouldn't have been happening then, it certainly shouldn't be happening right now. 

Donghyuck knocking on the window startles him. He opens the door making sure to purposefully hit Donghyuck with it. Donghyuck grunts at the impact but he catches the top of the door forcing it back towards Jisung, pinning him against the hot metal of the car. He looks down as Jisung, the corner mouth lifted in a smirk and hair falling into his face. "I do know you. You've been the talk of the streets since you were what? Nineteen?" 

"Eighteen," Jisung corrects as he pushes at the door again but Donghyuck grabs his wrist, tugging Jisung around it so it's no longer a barrier between them and they're standing with barely any space separating them. "Do I live up to the legend?"

"You're better," Donghyuck says thoughtfully. "But not better than me."

Jisung dangles the keys to the Ferrari in front of Donghyuck’s face. "I suppose I owe you these then." Donghyuck reaches for them but Jisung snatches them back laughing a little breathlessly at the way Donghyuck glares dangerously at him. God, Jisung knows he’s playing with fire but that just makes him that much more turned on. He tucks the keys into the front pocket of Donghyuck's jeans and lingers just for a moment too long but it’s enough. He removes his hand and begins to saunter away, grinning to himself despite the loss he took. 

Gravel kicks up around him and suddenly Donghyuck is grabbing him by the elbow. "What if," he pins Jisung against the hood of the car. "I want," he whispers in Jisung's ear. "Something else?" He slots a thigh between Jisung's legs, giving him the barest hint of friction. 

He brushes his mouth against Donghyuck’s. "Then take it."

And take Donghyuck does. With his fingers and his mouth and his tongue he takes Jisung apart piece by piece and puts him back together only when he's messy and more fucked up than he already was. 

Later, when they're sticky and breathless in the back of the Ferrari Jisung says, "So is it true? You’re involved with the mafia?”

Donghyuck stiffens beside him. "Why do you want to know? You a cop?"

Jisung laughs, breath ghosting warmly over Donghyuck’s skin. "Fuck no. I want in.”

“So that’s why you let me fuck you?”

Jisung could say yes, he’s done more for less than what the Lee’s could give him. But the power and the money wasn’t on his mind when Donghyuck was between his legs. It was just about them, the way they fell into an easy rhythm and the way Donghyuck let Jisung chase his own pleasure in a way no one has. “No,” he says quietly. He doesn’t explain further because the admission is vulnerable enough as it is. 

“Look.” Jisung obeys, eyes finding Donghyuck’s in the orange colors of the sunrise. They’ve been together for too long but Jisung didn’t notice the hours that passed. “If you please me in the next race, I’ll consider letting you run product for me.” 

Jisung nods eagerly. Donghyuck doesn’t tell him which race or when or if he’ll even be there. He knows Jisung will be expecting him. Besides, it’s not like him to miss any race. Winning is one high he’ll never grow tired of. 

+++

("You were supposed to win your car back, not the one who stole it."

"Consider it an added bonus." Jisung snarks and the guy flinches at him threateningly. Jisung trips over his feet and Donghyuck laughs, caressing the back of Jisung's neck soothingly.)

+++

The thing is, Jisung never really looks at who he’s racing until it’s over. He’s learned the hard way that everyone underestimates him because he’s young and has a cute face and he’d rather just talk with his engine than his words. So he doesn’t introduce himself to the person he’s racing ever, doesn’t talk shit and let’s his name on the streets speak for him. 

But the main reason is this: The mix of frustration and surprise when they see just who beat them, a twenty something kid with no business being this good. The way their expression bleeds to anger when Jisung smirks or outright grins at having another win under his belt. 

He loves a lot of things about winning but this just might be his favorite part. 

So how dare Lee Donghyuck take that away from him. When Jisung’s car crosses the finish line first, Donghyuck doesn’t look pissed off or surprised. He looks pleased and dare he say, _happy_ like he wants to praise Jisung for winning. 

He hates it. 

So of course his solution is to get in Donghyuck’s face and talk shit. And Jisung, despite everything he’s done and been through, is timid. He doesn’t like confrontation despite his facade but Donghyuck can’t just _look_ at him like that and expect him to be okay with it. 

He learns very quickly Donghyuck is a sore loser and he should’ve taken this win with grace. 

Donghyuck hates to lose and it’s so hot when Jisung’s gloating becomes too much for him to stand so he fucks him raw over the hood of his ferrari until Jisung can’t even form sentences, let alone brag.

He wants to press his buttons more. “Was I good?” He demands, after he’s sucked Donghyuck dry, throat still raw.

Donghyuck gives him an amused look. “Did I not praise you enough when I fucked you or something?” 

Jisung closes his eyes, breathing against the anger the pulses in his chest at Donghyuck’s condescending tone. “Was my racing good enough to work for you?” 

“Well if you hadn’t decided to be a brat, I could have told you I want you running drugs for me.” 

“Really?”

“I’ll give you the product and the addresses next race.”

“Really?” He asks again. 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, tilting his chin up delicately. “Yes, really.”

+++

Donghyuck's siblings don't trust him at first and Jisung can't really blame them considering all the illegal shit they get up to. 

The morning after the first time he spent the night in Donghyuck’s bed, (a complete accident really, because it’s not like there’s feelings but he had been horny from the last drop but mostly exhausted so sleep won out and for some reason, Donghyuck didn’t tell him to go) Jeno pressed a gun to the back of his head while he was making a cup of coffee. He dropped the coffee mug in his hands and Jeno took the safety off the gun. "Dude! I'm not doing anything!" Jisung shouts. 

"What are you doing with Donghyuck? Are you a fed?"

"What do you want me to say? I'm sleeping with him, alright? Normally people don't pull out the guns until after their siblings have been heartbroken. Fuck dude, put that thing away!"

There's a snort in the doorway of the kitchen and both Jeno and Jisung turn to look at Donghyuck who's holding in his laughter.

"You're not gonna tell him to put the gun away?" Jisung asks in disbelief.

Donghyuck shrugs unhelpfully but pushes Jeno’s gun down so he can get to the refrigerator.

Jisung sticks his tongue out childishly at Jeno and he shoots a bullet at Jisung 's feet making him flee from the kitchen.

A year passes and the other Lees grudgingly accept whatever he and Donghyuck are doing when they come to the realization that Jisung isn't going anywhere.

Things become domestic, or domestic as things can be for a group of street racers.

They’re together, he thinks maybe. Donghyuck fucks him good, smokes him out, steals him cars he likes, never lets run drugs in shady places alone anymore (but that’s more likely from the time Jisung got slit elbow to wrist by a rival gang on a drop) and sometimes Jisung sleeps in his bed. 

His kisses are always bruising but his hands are always gentle unless Jisung demands roughness, fingerprints left in his skin and marks bitten into his throat. 

Donghyuck is good to him but he doesn’t know what they are. He knows they are delicate and if he were to ask for something more they might shatter and this, a place to sleep and a body to hold is better than the purr of an engine. 

They fall into the routine of street racing, car stealing, and occasionally for the Lee's, trafficking guns illegally in the trunks of their cars.

Jisung feels himself falling fast and hard for Donghyuck but he still doesn't know exactly what they are. Boyfriends? Partners? Street racers who sometimes fuck each other then cuddle and buy each other things afterwards because it's convenient?

They continue like that for a year. He loves, he fucks, he races, he runs drugs, and does drugs all at once and god he’s so fucked. He continues like that with this confusion between him and Donghyuck. 

He catches himself looking at Donghyuck praying that if he stares hard enough Donghyuck might say I love you.

He finds friendship in Jaemin, Renjun, and Mark. He meets his platonic soulmate in the shape of Zhong Chenle and they spend their days torturing Donghyuck and Renjun because they’re the easiest to piss off. Jaemin is an enigma all on his own. He’s tags along on Jisung’s drops and babies him like Jisung hasn’t seen the inside of a jail cell more than any of them. It took Jisung half a year to even notice Jaemin was dating Mark given the way he flirts with anything that moves. 

It’s the most he’s felt like he’s belonged probably in his whole life, in this too small apartment packed with drugs, guns, and six other boys and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

+++

Jisung hops on the hood of the Roadrunner, sliding only a little as he uses a hand to shield his eyes from the sun. It's a good ninety degrees outside but the breeze makes it feel nice out rather than stifling.

"What do you want from here?" Donghyuck asks, gesturing at the gas station behind him.

"Bolt cutters, gasoline, and duct tape."

"It's a 7-11, not home depot."

"I know they have duct tape at least." Jisung looks at the Honda Civic parked beside a gas pump in front of them. His mom used to drive a Honda Civic as a teenager because her parents could never afford one of the classics she wanted.

She should've stolen one.

"I got the gasoline," Jisung tells Donghyuck .

"Anything else?"

"Doritos."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes disappearing inside the store.

Jisung plants his feet on the ground, heading around the car in order to grab the gas container out of the trunk. He looks around for the position of cameras because he doesn't know if there are guns in the back or not.

Then he grins to himself because of course Donghyuck knew to park on the opposite side of the cameras.

He makes his way to the Civic and pops open the gas cap, twisting two plastic white tubes together, he shoves the longer end inside the gas cap. He pulls the red, grease-stained rag out of his back pocket and places beside the tube inside the gas cap in order to secure it.

The other end of the tube, he puts between his lips, careful not to inhale the gas as he blows air into the tube.

He releases the tube from his lips and screws it onto the nozzle of the gas container that he had sat on the hot street, allowing gravity to work its magic while he siphons out the gas.

He stands back up, looking inside the gas station while whistling the song stuck in his head. Donghyuck is talking to someone in the middle of the 7-11. Jisung squints, trying to make the person out.

He absentmindedly fiddles with the zipper on his brown leather jacket as he watches the encounter. The man follows Donghyuck to checkout. Jisung narrows his eyes.

He looks down at the gasoline. It's barely trickling down the tube now so the car is almost empty. He shakes the tube a little as Donghyuck and the man begin to exit the gas station together.

Donghyuck looks directly at him. Jisung tilts his chin a little before disappearing into a crouch behind the Civic.

"Where are you headed next?" Jisung hears the man ask.

"That's my baby's car. Wherever they go, I go." Jisung smiles to himself, feeling warmth unfurl in his chest at the pet name.

"What's the lucky girl's name?"

"His name is Jisung.” 

Jisung laughs, taking the awkward moment of silence to remove the tube from the gas cap and screw the top on the gasoline container. He throws the tube and damp rag in the dirt plot beside the gas station.

He uncaringly reveals his position behind the Civic, making eye contact with Donghyuck and smirking.

"Jisung?" A voice says brokenly.

Jisung 's eyes snap to the man standing beside Donghyuck and he takes a few steps back when the man-- no, not the man, his dad steps forward. He puts the Civic between them. He swallows a few times, feeling his eyes prick with tears. "What are you doing here?" Jisung says hoarsely.

"I live here now. What are you doing here?"

Jisung closes his eyes so he doesn't say anything he may regret and then Donghyuck is right there, chest pressed against Jisung 's back. He laces their fingers together. His heartbeat immediately steadies.

"Leaving." Jisung shifts with the gallon of gasoline in his hands.

"Wait, Jisung," his father says.

Jisung doesn't turn around but he does stop walking. "I missed you. You have no idea how many times I wanted to get in contact with you."

Jisung feels Donghyuck tense beside him and the hand inside of his tightens briefly. "But you never did, did you? You're the parent. It's your job to love him, not the other way around." Donghyuck says angrily.

Jisung exhales quietly through his nose, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards.

"This is a family matter." His dad says.

Jisung turns around slowly. "You're not my family anymore”

+++

Finally, after agonizing amounts of time the query is cleared on a rainy Wednesday afternoon, almost two years after that night Jisung stole Donghyuck’s car. The lines of Deathly Hallows blur and Jisung finds his eyes at the bottom of the page though he processed none of the words, too busy considering whether or not to send his father a birthday card this year.

Donghyuck comes out of his room shirtless and pulling a pair of tight black jeans on. "Where're you going?" Jisung inquires, giving up on Deathly Hallows to stare at Donghyuck's naked chest.

"Work," Donghyuck says, buttoning his pants. Jisung snorts while trying to unbutton Donghyuck's jeans with his mind. The stubborn pants don't obey.

'Work' for Donghyuck means dressing up as a valet attendant and stealing peoples cars for cash. Jisung would come along but he doesn't feel like being wrapped up in the grey clouds and drowned. "Should I send my dad a card?"

"For what?" Donghyuck mumbles, pulling a tight black t-shirt over his head.

"His birthday.”

"Does he send you cards?"

"No.”

"Then there's your answer.”

Jisung sighs, watching Donghyuck pull on his shoes. "You gonna steal me something nice?"

"Only the best for you," he leans over the arm to kiss Jisung quickly on the mouth, nose brushing his chin. "Love you," he says when he pulls away.

"Wha—" Jisung stares at him wide eyed and slack-jawed.

"Bye!" Donghyuck says then slams the door.

Jisung sits there blinking for a few seconds before he bolts upright and runs towards the door, swinging it open to catch a glimpse of Donghyuck's retreating back. "What did you say to me asshole!" Jisung shouts. Donghyuck just flips him off without turning around.

Jisung sputters. "Sit on it and turn you - you - dickwheeze!" He finally decides on. Yeah, not one of his best insults but he's having a crisis, he gets a free pass.

Donghyuck's neighbor swings their door open to glare at Jisung. “Oh, fuck off." Jisung mutters, retiring back into the apartment.

"Dickwheeze?" Renjun says, raising unimpressed eyebrows.

"Fuck off," he says without much heat, shoving past him. 

He throws on a hoodie, pulls on a pair of converse, and exits the apartment in search of Donghyuck.

That asshole.

+++

A man over the age of forty dressed in a pink polo, Chinos, and a pair of Top-siders tosses a pair of keys in the air towards Donghyuck which he catches with ease.

The car that the aforementioned keys belong to is a dark green 1970 Plymouth Roadrunner. Jisung 's mouth nearly waters at the sight of the car. Donghyuck doesn't usually steal old school cars unless they're Ferraris so Jisung knows the car is for him.

Jisung slips inside the passenger seat when Donghyuck is distracted by one of the legit valet attendants. He jumps when he sees Jisung sitting in the car, running his hands lovingly over the dashboard and seats. "The hell are you doing here?" Donghyuck asks as he slides in the driver seat and starts the car.

Jisung ignores him choosing to marvel in the beauty of the car's interior instead, murmuring sweet nothings to the inanimate object.

He continues to be stubbornly silent until Donghyuck pulls into an abandoned lot so he can change the license plates. Jisung gets out too, following Donghyuck to where his car is parked. He pops the trunk, moving guns out of the way in order to grab the fake license plates. Jisung rolls his eyes, grabbing a flathead screwdriver. Donghyuck watches as he unscrews the license plates from the Plymouth refusing to make eye contact. "Are you mad?" Donghyuck says quietly.

"I don't know,” He answers truthfully, passing over the license plate to Donghyuck in exchange for the fake one.

"You don't have to say it back."

"Did you mean it?"

"It doesn't have to mean anything," Donghyuck fidgets. "Not if you don't want it to,"

"You made it seem like a joke. I love you too but you made it seem like a _joke._ What the hell am I supposed to think?"

"I wouldn't do that to you."

Jisung doesn't say anything until the four screws are secure in the holes of the license plate. "This car? Is it mine?"

Donghyuck nods. "Think of it as an apology."

"Or," he says. "It could be an anniversary gift," Jisung says, finally looking at Donghyuck .

"An apology. An anniversary gift. A promise."

+++

Despite telling his dad he wasn’t his family anymore, Jisung didn’t think the Lee’s were his family either. Sure he spent most of his days there in their shared apartment more than he was on his own but he knows he just works for them. 

Naively he thought Donghyuck was the boss. Jisung knows that was foolish, Donghyuck isn’t too much older than him there could be no way he’s the one running the entire syndicate. Jisung just never bothered to consider who was the boss. Orders came from Donghyuck, cash came from Donghyuck, product came from Donghyuck. 

He meets Lee Taeyong in the messiest way possible, covered in blood, shaking and on the verge of throwing up. 

He’s never— fuck. Donghyuck has always made him carry a gun on him but he’s never had to use it until— “Fuck,” He tugs Donghyuck up from the ground, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Donghyuck what do I do?”

Donghyuck groans fingers digging into Jisung’s ribs. He’s bleeding so much and Jisung is going to freak the fuck out if he doesn’t start talking soon bullet wound or not. “Donghyuck!” He snaps. 

“Get to the car. Call Jeno. Tell him to send Doyoung out here.” 

“Okay,” he breathes out a slow breath. “Okay.” 

He gingerly lays Donghyuck in the back seat before scrambling to the front. He has blood all over his phone, the screen too slick and his hands shaking too much for him to dial Jeno right away. 

“This better be good, Park. I’m busy—“

“Hyung,” he says shakily. The tone of his voice immediately has Jeno shutting up. 

“What happened?”

“I— Donghyuck got shot and I— fuck. I fucked up.”

“Is Donghyuck alive.” He can hear Jeno already moving, already barking orders at people in the background. 

“Yeah. Yes. He told me to call you and say we needed Doyoung? I don’t know.”

Jeno pauses. “Are you okay?”

“I’m not hurt,” he answers because he’s the farthest thing from okay. 

“Are you okay?” Jeno says again. 

“No,” he admits. “Just please hurry.” 

Jeno hangs up on him. 

“Jisung.” Donghyuck calls, sitting up in the backseat. 

“What?” He snaps, irritated he flinched at the sound of his voice. 

“C’mere.”

Jisung crawls in the back seat, careful not to hurt Donghyuck. His hands come up to cup Jisung’s face. They’re still slick with blood but he doesn’t shy away. “Are you okay?” He asks. Jisung wants to laugh because if he doesn’t do something to expel this energy he might lose his mind. 

“You’re the one who just got shot,” he says instead. 

“But you just—“ 

“Please,” he grasps Donghyuck’s wrist tightly, closing his eyes. Donghyuck doesn’t say anything more and Jisung can’t bring himself to say anything either. 

It’s maybe an hour before Jeno shows up with about ten other people in tow. A tiny bit of weight lifts off his shoulders as they help Donghyuck into a different car, already preparing to get the bullet out. 

The second they’re out of the car they’re drenching it in gasoline and setting it on fire. 

He knows he must look crazy, bloody hand prints on his cheeks and tear streaks cutting through. A tall man stops before him, his face cold and dark as he looks down at Jisung. Jeno is just behind him so Jisung doesn’t curl away when he places a hand on his shoulder even though he wants to. 

“Good to finally meet you, Jisung. Though I wish it was different circumstances.”

“Who are you?” 

“Doyoung,” he answers. “Can you show me where the body is?”

Jisung stiffens. “Why?”

“Doyoung’s a fixer,” Jeno answers. “He’s gonna make this all go away.” 

If only he could take the memory away too.

Jisung shows them the body. 

Doyoung begins directing men with hacksaws and Jisung can’t hold back anymore, he vomits in the concrete until there’s only the taste of bile. He hates looking weak but no one calls him out. Jeno just rubs at his spine as he dry heaves. 

“C’mon,” he says when Jisung is finished. “Let’s go to Donghyuck.” 

+++

Lee Taeyong is the last thing he expected from the leader of the Lee’s. He’s tall and skinny with soft features and soft downy hair. He walks around barefoot in an oversized sweater and silk pants and he gathers Jisung in a crushing hug the second he sees him. He doesn’t care about the blood or the vomit. 

Jisung has been numb for the past few hours but this hug damn near breaks him. Taeyong, brushes his hair away from his forehead. “Good job,” he murmurs. “I know it doesn’t feel like that could possibly be true, but I’d much rather have you and Donghyuck here and alive, even if it’s like this. So thank you for coming home, Jisung.”

Jisung swallows past the lump in his throat. He somehow doesn’t think Taeyong would appreciate him crying all over his expensive clothes. _Home._ The Lee’s have taught him the meeting twelve times over but he’s never really understood until now. 

“Thank you. For everything.”

“O-oh,” Taeyong says, a little confused. “Of course. You’re family now.” 

+++

He's in love with Donghyuck when his dad dies. 

He’s drunk and he doesn’t know where he is but the leather of his car is familiar and safe. He thinks maybe he called Donghyuck but he’s been alone with his thoughts for too long since then, if he did it at all so he knows he’s not coming. 

He should start his car. He’s not in the best part of town and Donghyuck isn’t coming. _I can make it home_ he thinks, staring blearily at the keys. _I can make it_ and if he doesn't, well shit. He’s lived a good life. Maybe he wasn’t perfect and maybe he wasn’t exactly happy but at least he could say he’s done more than most. He has no family left here.

With that thought he puts the key in the ignition, placing both hands on the wheel for once when the door is suddenly yanked open. Jisung flinches hard, foot coming off the brake as he looks into Donghyuck’s pissed off eyes. 

“You’re fucking drunk,” he states, arms folded. “Turn the car off. Right. Now.”

There isn’t much room to argue and Donghyuck is here like he desperately wanted him to be. He turns the car off. “Why are you here?” 

Donghyuck’s eyebrows shoot up, his jaw ticking dangerously. “Get out.”

Jisung gets out. 

The second he does Donghyuck’s hands are on him, cupping the base of his skull and pressing their foreheads together. “Are you insane? Trying to drive when you’re this fucked up?”

His tone is ragged, eyes searching and hurt like the thought of Jisung risking his life somehow pains him. “You didn’t answer.” 

Donghyuck softens all at once, his anger leaving completely. “I was busy. I came as soon as I heard the message I thought I would be too late.”

He almost was and Jisung can see in his eyes that he knows that. He was about to step off the chair. There would be no saving him, not when he’s like this. “Oh.” Is all he can manage. 

“What happened?” 

Jisung swallows thickly. “My dad died.” 

“Oh,” he utters quietly in the small space between them. “How do you feel about that?” 

Most people would assume he’s sad and he is, really but not about his dad. He knows Donghyuck never liked his father and is just trying to gauge how close to the edge Jisung really is by holding back his usual bluntness. “Disappointed. He never stopped drinking. Liver failure, they said. If he had just called me I would have—“ he chokes on a sob. Why did his dad have to be the parent he could save. 

He would have done it too, given up every part of himself to keep his dad alive because that's what his mom would have wanted and he’s disappointed her so much already. “He never tried to fix things with me and he never tried to quit the thing that ruined our relationship in the first place. But I-I could have fixed it.”

“Do not blame yourself,” Donghyuck says tersely. “If he wasn't willing to put down the bottle for you, he's not worth anything you're feeling."

His head is a fucking mess but one thing is clear. _I love you._ He thinks and he wants to tell Donghyuck so bad because he’s looking down with those eyes and He can’t quite wrap his mind around being cared for so deeply and it hurts as it mixes with his grief and his anger. All he can do is nod and say, “I miss my mom.”

“I know,” Donghyuck says. It’s all he can say and it’s not enough by Jisung forces it to be, in this parking lot where Donghyuck showed up when Jisung swore he had nothing, he makes himself believe this is enough.

+++

They’re in Los Angeles. Jisung hasn’t been back in years and he’s never once visited his mother’s grave. 

He’s traveled the world, raced in the grittiest streets but he’s never had the strength to come back to an empty home or a cold grave. 

He sits before her now, placing flowers against her headstone. “This is weird,” he says to Donghyuck. “I don’t know what to say.”

He looks up at Donghyuck, who also looks vaguely uncomfortable. They suck at this shit. Jisung reaches for him, pulling him down so he’s beside him. He grips his hand tight. For a while he has nothing to say; nothing he wants to say. But he feels safe here, Donghyuck’s palm in his. He knows Donghyuck would let him sit here in silence all day without an ounce of complaining if that’s what he thought Jisung needed. 

“You’re buried next to dad. I didn’t know they had a funeral. I’m sure they wouldn’t have wanted me there anyways. I’m sorry, I couldn’t save him, mom.” He swallows hard. “When you died, I never thought I would be happy again. And I wasn’t for a long, long time. But I’m happy now and I think maybe… if you were still here you would be disappointed with the people I found happiness with. So I have to let go. Because you’re not here anymore.” He hiccups, trying to hold back a sob and Donghyuck is there, rubbing gentle hands down his back. 

He’s lost and he’s loved and he’s learned and through all that he’s been happiest here, with Donghyuck by his side. “I can't say I made all the best choices but I can say the choices I made led me to the right people. And... if you can be proud of nothing else, at least be proud of this.”

He sniffles one last time before dragging himself to his feet. Donghyuck follows suit, their fingers still intertwined. “All done?”

Jisung nods. “Let’s go home.”

**~Fin.**


End file.
